“We have this hope as an anchor for our soul..” Hebrews 6:19. What exactly does that mean? How do we live that out? This post is kind of a follow up to my last post. I’ve been learning a lot recently about, as Katie Majors would call it, “Daring to Hope.” Hope is a beautiful and yet dangerous thing. Hope brings you to a place of complete and utter vulnerability and reliance. To hope in the Lord is to fully lay everything down and trust that God is who He says He is and that His plan is higher and greater and better than anything we could dream up. It’s allowing yourself to believe that even when it feels like your world is spiraling out of control – even when your world looks nothing like you had planned – even when you feel helpless and alone or even if you are on a mountain top. Daring to hope is, in fact, one of the most courageous things a person can do.
Up until a few weeks ago, I had lost my hope. I had lost my trust. I want to be the person that leans in even deeper when I’m confused, but instead of leaning in to the Lord, I had found myself at this place of utter indifference. I had scales over my eyes like Paul, but I hadn’t yet taken the steps to remove the scales. I couldn’t see the Lord. I couldn’t see the good. I was focused on the darkness.
But wow the Lord is faithful. He pursues after our hearts, and he works to take off the scales. Even once when we can see, we have to come to a place where we are courageous enough to hope. to trust. It’s hard to give over my dreams, my aspirations, my plans, and my thoughts/ideals. But why is it so difficult? I know the truths about the Lord – that He works for the good of those who love Him. That He is just and merciful and good, yet there are times where it’s hard to see all of those attributes. I want to keep the Lord an arms width away because I’m scared to hurt. I feel as if I’m the only one who can truly protect my heart. This is the exact lie the devil wants me to buy into. That God is good but maybe not good enough? This philosophy is so skewed, yet I buy into it.
Oh Lord, forgive me for my skewed perception of you. Forgive me for believing that I know better. Forgive me for believing the lie that you aren’t enough. Forgive me for losing my hope and my trust. Renew in me a pure heart. Continue to pursue after me, I will pursue after you.
And, recently, those scales have fallen off, and I see my Jesus with fresh eyes. I am again daring to hope. With these new eyes, I continually feel on the verge of tears at the passion and pursuit of the Lord. When I allow myself to feel the gravity of His love, it is reckless. It is life altering. It brings dead to life..that’s what He’s been doing in my life. He’s bringing me to a place of courage where I can again dare to hope. I can hope in my Savior – that He will bring beauty, that His plan is higher, and that He knows better than I. Thank you Lord for fresh eyes. Thank you Lord for your pursuit. Thank you for wanting whatever I have to offer… whether my heart is empty or whether it’s full, you just want my heart.