Fear has a way of creeping in. Some people may say they are fearless, but I believe everyone is afraid of something. There are different types of fears. There’s your typical irrational fears. For instance, I’m terrified of spiders. I can hardly find the power to kill them. There are fears you’re taught. We learn from a young age to keep a safe distance from sketchy white vans, and then there are your deep fears. The fears that deal with the heart. These are often fears of inadequacy or failure. They can spawn from past relationships, from abuse, from observation. These fears are hard to overcome.
One of my biggest fears stems from my people-pleasing nature. I desire to be well liked and valued, but I’ve had past relationships in which I have been treated less than that. While loyalty is one of my strongest traits, in the past I tended to delve into relationships with less than loyal people. Through this, I’ve developed a fear of inadequacy and a fear of not being enough. “Being enough.” “Be enough.” We are told this repeatedly in our society, but how do you become enough. I am a failure. I am innately sinful – we all are. We will all fail. We will never be enough.
Here I am a person afraid of failure striving for the unattainable goal of being enough. It is only through Christ that we are enough and that is because He is enough. He is it. I’ve realized that this fear of not being enough comes out often when I am in a vulnerable position. I assume that I won’t be enough to keep people in my life. I strive and I strive. If I’m just kind..enough. If I’m funny..enough. If I am intelligent..enough. If I am athletic..enough. If I’m pretty..enough. If I’m stylish..enough. But this grading scale we base our “enoughs” off of is faulty. It’s been fixed by the world’s standards, and with this scale, I will never pass. I can never tell enough jokes, or wear enough good clothes, or say enough smart comments, or score enough goals to ever satisfy the world’s standards. I’m constantly falling short of the mark. This is a humbling and frustrating experience and it produces fear. If I cannot be enough, how will I have friends? If i cannot do enough, how will I keep my job? If I am not enough, who will ever marry me.. and the list goes on and on.
I find myself in a war that I cannot win, and as I stand, head hung, defeated, Christ raises my chin and says ,
“on your own, you are not enough, but I am enough, and I will make you enough.”
“I choose you.” “I want you…”
“Not because you are pretty. Not because you are smart. Not because you can cook. Not because you have enough friends. I choose you because I love you.”
“Nothing you do, good or bad will ever change how I feel about you.”
God calls us to place our stock in Him rather than in this world. People will fail us. People will let us down, and that’s okay. We are not to place unrealistic expectations on them. You will not be enough for others, and they will not be enough for you, but with Jesus. He is enough. Through Him, any relationship can be enough.