Aching heart.

How do you explain the unexplainable? How do you comprehend the uncomprehendable? How does life keep going on when it appears the world has stopped.

I’ve tried to muster up the words to say. Words are hard to come by right now. Tears. Tears on the other hand seem to be at an endless supply. Before yesterday I had never fully understood grief. I wish I could go back and not know this pain. It’s a pain that starts out numb but leads to a hurt that I could never fathom. I know God is good. But right now, right now I don’t have the words for Him. But He is good. And he will have the last say. Jesus wins. 

With all the pain and suffering and hurt going on in this world, you’d think God would have wanted the “good ones” left on this earth. August 12,2016 marks the day he took some of the best ones with him back up to heaven. They were joyously reunited with John I know. They aren’t suffering. They aren’t working through the tragic pain of his death anymore. They are worshipping at Christ’s feet. 

But what about us down here. How do drew and beau rebuild the pieces. How do they keep going with so much loss. They’ve already been through a loss of dad, now to lose a mom, a brother, a twin/sister all at once? They are strong. They are incredible but this is so much. And mo. Her heart can’t handle all this pain. My heart aches for them. 

And Jourdan. Sweet Jourdan who has always had a higher calling on her. She and Luke were a match made in heaven. They were so on fire for God more than any two people I’ve ever seen. They challenged me so much. Their relationship was so God honoring. It was one to be emulated. They both loved each other. It was so obvious. They were soul mates. My heart aches. It’s too much.

Lisa was my moms person. My mom has never had a best friend and then she was blessed by Lisa My mom has lost that. Idk how you keep going. The pain is so great. My heart aches for that. 

Heaven gained some incredible souls. Lisa luke and Emma. Thank you for emulating Christ. Thank you for showing us a taste of heaven while you were here. 

Luke was an incredible man of God. Jesus leaked out of every inch of his fiber. Luke loved the least of these. Luke was loyal and kind. Luke spoke well about everyone and he had a goofy side to him. He was so smart and had such a passion for life and medicine and helping others. He was going to be an incredible Doctor. He had the most beautiful on fire heart for the Lord. I loved being around him and joking with him. I loved joining in on his FaceTime calls to Jourdan. I loved dominating him in euchre. I miss him. 

Emma was a beautiful person who never saw her true beauty. She was an old soul and she had such a passion for life. She enjoyed and remembered life. She treasured the sunsets. She was smart and driven and strong. You always knew how Emma felt. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She loved deep and hard. I miss her.

Lisa. Lisa was a fighter. She was a rock. She was the most beautiful person I have ever met inside and out. She had a gift that wherever she was she lit up the room and brought people together. Man could she cook. She could make dirt taste good. She had a passion for life – even after all she’d been through… she had a joy. She loved fiercely and she took care of people well. She was full of adventure and a true servant. Lisa I miss you so much. 

Some people have said our family was really good for the Borinsteins and we were helpful in the healing process over the last year and a half, but in all honesty I think they were just as much if not more a gift to us. They are our family and I will guard my brothers (Drew and Beau) and my grandma (Mo) and protect them forever. I will always miss Luke and Emma and Lisa. The ache is so great. It’s with eager anticipation that I think about the day we will all be reunited in heaven with no tears or pain.  I miss you guys so much. I miss our dinners and our vacations. I miss the light heartedness. Thank you for saving my family. I love you guys.

6 thoughts on “Aching heart.

  1. Though I can easily see the flaws in this thought, I keep thinking, “what the heck, even I can see how much good Luke was going to do for God’s kingdom here on earth. How could God not see that!?”


  2. Even though I see the flaws in the thought, I keep thinking, “what the heck, God!?! Even I could see all the works Luke would do for your Kingdom!”


  3. Pingback: 8.12.17

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