To the girl who struggles opening up…

Women used to always be depicted as damsels in distress. We were emotional creatures who wore our hearts on our sleeves. Enter the feminist movement and now women are depicted to be tough, do it yourself, I don’t need anyone or any help. But what about the girl who does need others but doesn’t know how to express her need. What about the girl who struggles with vulnerability and opening up. What about the girl who longs to live in relationship but in the same breath is terrified of opening up.

What do you get when you become involved in a friendship or relationship with this type of girl?  You have to learn to just be there, and you have to learn to be patient. You may get frustrated because she takes so long to share her thoughts and feelings. This isn’t because she doesn’t want to, its because she doesn’t know how she’s feeling, and if she can’t interpret her own feelings, there’s no way she can tell you what she’s thinking. You’re in for a fight. Earning her trust is a battle, and it will take time. But once you earn her trust, you will never lose it. She is loyal to a fault. Don’t take her loyalty for granted. Don’t abuse it. Nine times out of ten, you will find that she has been hurt by someone she trusted in her past. Loyalty is what she aches for. Be loyal back.

Although she may not show how she feels all the time, she longs to be known – to be pursued – to be taken care of. Fight for her heart. Pursue her, and you will have the best friend and confident that you could ask for. There’s nobody else you’ll want in your corner when things get tough.

While loyalty and empathy are her beauty, they are also her weakness. Her loyalty can drag her to a place of hurt. Her care runs deep and she will love even when she isn’t loved in return. It’s both a blessing and a curse to care so deeply. You see, “loyalty isn’t grey. It is black and white. You’re either loyal completely, or not loyal at all. And people have to understand this: you can’t be loyal only when it serves you.”

So no, I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. (And there is nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to express emotion openly in that way! It’s simply not how God made me.) But I feel things deeply. I’ve been hurt by people throughout my past, but I think it’s only made me a better friend. I don’t need lots of friends, I just need a few people who I can rely on who I know will always be in my corner. There are times when I hate my loyalty and my deep care for people, but deep down, i wouldn’t change who I am and I wouldn’t feel any less. My loyalty has brought hurt, but it has also brought joy.

I would say the hardest lesson for this girl, the girl who’s scared of opening up but the most loyal person you’ll ever meet is the art of learning when and how to let go.



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