persist

I was scrolling through my pinterest feed about a week ago, and this picture/quote stood out to me. It said “And if not, He is still GOOD.” Instantly, I realized God was speaking to me through my computer screen. It’s so easy to have plans and envision our lives or certain parts of our lives turning out a certain way, but what if they don’t? In reality, usually they don’t. What then?

Recently, I’ve been on “that” side of “and if not…” If nots have been taking my life by storm and honestly they are hard. When you spend all your time working towards a goal and it doesn’t end up how you envision, it’s hard to keep going with a positive attitude. My senior year of soccer has definitely not panned out how I planned. Originally, this summer, when we were told to choose our word for the season, I chose servant-leadership. What I didn’t realize was how hard that word was going to be to fully live out. Obviously, nobody goes into their senior season of soccer hoping to ride the bench, be seemingly unnoticed, work for no real individual reward, or be in physical pain with my own table at prep. But I have to remember the end of that quote    “…he is still good.” And whether or not I play a huge role on the field, being humbled in a manner of servanthood is growing me and teaching me in ways I didn’t imagine I would be stretched, and I’m grateful for that.

I had been really pressing in and trying to give over a certain relationship to the Lord. As the months went by, I became more and more attentive to the Lord’s voice. I honesetly felt like he was leading me down a certain path, and I was excited about where I was headed. More importantly, I was excited I was so in tune with the Holy Spirit. But recently, “and if not…” entered the picture again. This was so discouraging and confusing. I don’t want to start from square one again. I don’t want to question if I was truly hearing the Lord’s nudge. I was excited about the future I was anticipating and dreaming about!

When if nots start to creep into my life, it’s easy to start feeling like I’m in a valley. It’s easy to become discouraged and wonder what the heck God is doing. It’s easy to beg for a bigger arial view of God’s path for my life, but this is wher I have to remember that “…He is still good.” He really is good, and because of His goodness, I can trust.

It’s easy to get caught up in wishing or dreaming, or even just anticipating the future, but when we become too caught up in that, we will struggle with the “if nots.” I’m glad I can rest in the fact that I’m serving a God who has my best interest at heart, who has better plans than I could imagine or that I could dream up or anticipate because He’s good and He wants the best for me. And, sometimes, we don’t get to the best until we walk for awhile in the desert, valley area. So if you’re struggling with an “if not,” remember He is still good.

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