God, what are you doing? 

Am I a bad Christin if I get mad, frustrated, and/or confused with God? Do I have to always agree 100% right,away with Him? Can I share my fears, hurts, frustrations and doubts? If I bare my soul, sharing my anger or struggle am I sinning by complaining? 

No. All relationships undergo frustration, anger, and confusion. We are in a relationship with God. He cares about our doubts and frustrations. Moses is the perfect example. In Numbers 11, he prays a prayer of frustration and exhaustion. Moses is done dealing with the Israelites. And he boldly comes before the Lord and just unleashes his annoyances. And you know what God does? He listens. He listens with a tender, loving, understanding heart and acknowledges the pleas of Moses’s soul. God brings helpers to carry the burden of the Israelites. He affirms and confirms Moses’s frustration. 

When we turn to the Lord and are open and honest, we are not engaging in complaining. Instead, we are choosing to bring our fears and exhaustion to the throne room of the king. We engage in the vulnerability of a real and human heart who doesn’t understand what God’s doing and is at the end of their rope. And God responds. 

I’m there. I’m frustrated and discouraged. I honestly believed my last surgery was going to be the end to my injury, wearied, aged body. I thought this last soccer season was going to be my time. I thought that was Gods plan. Then, I followed the Lord to Kenya for 6 weeks. While there, I was unable to run or do much of anything that would aid me physically in this upcoming season. At first, I really struggled, but then I gave it over to God acknowledging that this is His plan and He will provide and accepting that I would have a lot of work to do after stepping off that plane onto American soil. But now, now my body isn’t responding how I thought it would. God, you were supposed to have this under control..what are you doing? What’s your plan? I don’t understand? My legs are not back to normal. They’re run down and my body really just isn’t allowing me to get into the shape I need to be in. I thought this was going to be my year. I thought another surgery would eliminate my pain. I thought I’d be healthy again. What does healthy even look/feel like? I don’t remember. And Lord..I’m so frustrated. I want desperately to be healthy to become unfamiliar and unacquainted with pain. 

But I do. I do realize you have a plan, and you’ll fill me in when I need to be filled in. Whatever you’re doing, just prepare me mentally and spiritually and physically to handle it and to be used in the way you want, not in the way I thought. Give me strength God. Take away my complaints and instead give me positivity. But at the same time give me the courage to boldly come before your throne and hear my frustrations and annoyances and confusion. 

God will respond. He may not always respond in the manner we expect or even want, but he’s listening and gives us what we need when we need it. 

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