That in between feeling. I’m here but I’m there. I’m waiting but I’m ready. Transitions. Transition are hard. Some transitions come naturally while others take lots of time. I feel like I’m living one big transition right now. Coming back from Africa, I’m back at the same job, living in a house with a warm shower, leather couches, wifi, toilet seats, and water from a faucet. I’ve left the 3rd world and enter the 1st world. I wanted to come home. I missed my family and my friends and control, but I miss Kenya. I miss the simplicity of the country. I miss the joy and innocence of the kids. I miss being disconnected from the internet and social media. I miss having time to just spend journaling, and reading the word.
While at times I was frustrated with having no control and the painstaking slow speeds everything was performed in, I miss the simplicity and slow speeds of Kenya. Here we are constantly rushing. We keep ourselves so busy. I honestly do not think Americans know what to do with free time. We can’t sit still. We must find the most efficient way to do everything so we can multiply our time and fit more things into our schedule. We must stretch ourselves too thin. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an American, and I struggle just as much as the next American. I hated all the free time. I didn’t know how to occupy myself. I was constantly frustrated with how inefficient Kenyans were, but I came to deal with it and even appreciate it by the end.
Coming home, my days have been filled with catching up on workouts, a 4th of July party Saturday, a birthday party Sunday, and work started on Monday. Life is back to normal with planned out busy schedules. I remember the first few weeks, the lack of plans stressed me out. Nothing was planned in Kenya until the day of. After getting more used to this lifestyle, I began to embrace it. However, I’m not sure how I could ever implement that here in America in my family (haha). So yeah, I’m still processing and transitioning coming back.
Another big transition I’m going through is going from a college student to a working adult in the real world. In all honesty, I feel as if I’m already heading to the real world. I’ve already been working for a company that I would love to work full time with and God-willing will hopefully receive an opportunity to do just that. However, I still have a semester of college and soccer left. I’m waiting patiently for my future husband. I’m waiting for God’s handwritten love story, but waiting is hard. Being patient and trusting the Lord is a challenge. I’m okay with waiting but I look forward to the eventual transition to take place.
So, I wait, and trust the Lord and just keep moving forward. I feel like I’m in a cloud sometimes and not fully experiencing life… ever since I got back from Africa, I feel as if I’m in my own head and thinking or experiencing things noboody can fully understand or want to understand. I don’t know, I’ve never been fantastic at processing things, but this is where I’m at… Just a girl trying to stay afloat with all her thoughts..