Don’t Blink

When you’re a little kid, time seems to stand still. A minute was an hour, an hour was a week, and a day was a year. Waiting was nearly impossible. Does anyone remember how long Christmas Eve seemed to last? Now a days, I would give anything for a night of sleep that lasted as long as Christmas Eve used to last. Every year, summer seemed to become just a few days shorter. Now that I’m in college, my summer is about a month longer than any of my summers were growing up, yet I feel as though my summer lasts half as long as it used to last. There are never enough hours in the day to focus on soccer, go to class, finish homework, go to meetings, eat, and hang out with friends.

I am a doer. I’m type A through and through. If something needs to be done and nobody steps up, I’m your girl. I will get things done. I am goal-oriented. I love making lists. I love making checklists. Even more, I enjoy checking things off my checklist. In a bold state of honesty and vulnerability, I’ll admit, I take pride in being a doer. I take pride in being a person people want to come to. I like being the go-to person. However, I find myself taking on more and more and while I get things done, they are not completed in an excellent manner. I spread myself too thin. You see, here’s the thing. At anytime, someone can take on more and more and more, however, the standard of quality will decrease the more that is added. Instead of being the go-to for everything, I want to specialize. I need to take on things in which I can feel proud of the quality in which I handle the situation and the standard of which it is checked off. I prefer to excell in a few things than to be mediocre in many. And the other thing? The other thing is that the more I take on, the busier my day becomes. The busier my day becomes, the more I sense myself wishing my day away – wishing my week away – wishing my life away.

I find myself wishing for the weekend. I find myself wishing for Spring Break. I find myself dreaming about Africa this summer. I find myself wishing for the day to end so I can collapse in my bed. I catch myself dreaming of the future. As my friends are beginning to get engaged, I think about the day that’ll happen to me. I think about the day I’ll be married, the day I’ll start my family. Before I know it, I’ve wished away my life. I don’t want to do that. I want to be all in right where I’m at. The best place to be in one’s life is in the present, because that’s the only place one can be fully present. We exist in the present, and so our minds should reside there as well. This is something I’ve been learning lately. This is something that has greatly challenged me lately. BE ALL THERE. BE ALL PRESENT. LIVE IN THE NOW. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Don’t live in 5 minutes from now. I want to be fully present in the conversation I’m currently in. I want to be fully present and doing my best while at soccer practice. I want to be focused on my homework while I’m doing it. I don’t want to look back on my life and realize that I wished it away. I don’t want to lay my head down on my pillow and realize I wished my day away. I want to be fully present.

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