Haunted

Sometimes, we think we can leave the past behind us. We can move on to our present and futures and ignore our past. I don’t believe that. Sure the past is the past, but our pasts have molded us into who we are today.  I’m not saying we need to dwell on the past and live in the past, but our pasts play a big part in our present and our future.
“There are scars on my hands from the people I have touched.”
     My past has changed me. Through my past, I’ve learned that nothing is certain, and people are human. I’ve learned what it is to forgive – truly forgive. I’ve known the feeling of rejection. Rejection is hard, rejection hurts. I’ve known what it is to trust someone completely only to have them break your heart. Living through these experiences has made me choose my friends carefully. To start with, I’m not a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. I take time to open up. Now, I will only open up to a small amount of people. Very few people know the depths of my heart, know the pain I feel, know the fears I have, know the joy I have, know me. I’ve learned how blessed I am to have the family I’ve been given and I appreciate their unconditional love – never fearing rejection.
     Forgiveness is hard. True forgiveness takes time. To wish good things upon someone who has ripped your heart apart and never looked back long enough to even apologize is not an easy task. But it’s worth it. And some days, the pain comes back like a flood. You think you’ve completely let go and moved on, and something reminds you of the hurt. Something opens up that scar. How do you get past that? Can you?
     If I’ve learned anything, it’s that when your heart is broken, you learn to patch it up. It’s not whole anymore, it has wounds that have turned to scars. Those scars are real. They don’t leave. They’re a constant reminder of the pain you’ve been through. And sometimes, those scars can rise up more than usual. That’s just a part of your past, but it’s also a reminder of how far you’ve come and how much you’ve learned.
The following is one of my favorite quotes..
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 I don’t regret the past. I don’t regret anything that has happened. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had. If not for the past and the people in my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I can honestly say I’m happy with where I am. I’m happy with who I’ve become. I have a long way to go, I still have a lot to learn, but I’m slowly learning to open up again. I’m learning to love and be loved and I’m grateful for this journey I’m on. So don’t ever regret the past. Don’t try and repress the memories. If you’ve been hurt, it’s because you opened up your heart and loved, and those memories were real and at one time that relationship was good. Hold on to that, remember the lessons you’ve learned, and keep moving forward.

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