The Secret Place

When your heart is worn, when your heart is heavy, where do you go? Where is your place of strength, of rest, of comfort? When you feel like life just won’t let up and you’re completely and utterly exhausted and overwhelmed, where do you run? Do you have a place that takes all the emotions and feelings and pain away? Do you have a place where you can just forget everything for a little while, or a place where everything in your life starts to make more sense? 
I have a couple places. The moment I step onto a soccer field, I feel at home. For a couple hours, my mind can relax and shut off. I’m not saying this works 100% of the time. Sure, sometimes, there are days when soccer can make me even more confused or frustrated, but for the most part, when it’s just me and the ball, I feel at home.
   I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about a good hard run. When your mind is running in a million directions, when your heart is overwhelmed, and you’re mentally and emotionally exhausted, a run can clear your head in a second. There’s something about the wind in your face, and the trees passing with each step you take. There’s a greater comfort in knowing that your struggles might not be going anywhere but for 20-30 minutes, your mind can relax. And as you take each step, those problems seem to lose their gravity. They seem to shrink down to a size that you can handle. I draw strength with each step. I can feel it empowering me and moving into my veins, and my heart draws hope with each step. 
    And the final place that I draw my strength from is just in the arms of my friends. It’s hard to open up. It’s hard to be vulnerable. Not only is it hard, it’s something I actually have to train myself to do. I know I need to talk to people. I know I need to share my emotions, but how can I do that when I don’t even know what I’m feeling. How can I do that when it’s just easier to lock them all inside and pretend they don’t exist. If I don’t deal with them, maybe they aren’t real? 
    So where do you go to find strength when you can’t run? Where do you go to find strength when you can’t step onto the soccer field? Maybe through tearing my ACL, God’s teaching me to find my secret place with Him. Maybe I’m learning that soccer and running will never be enough and that people may be great, but they aren’t enough either. Maybe God’s teaching me that in the quiet of my soul, that’s where He will meet me. When my heart is overwhelmed and my mind won’t shut off, it’s then that I need to just quiet my soul, open my Bible, and pour my heart out to Him. People aren’t enough. Soccer isn’t enough. Running isn’t enough. I’ve always known that God is where I need to go, and I do find security and peace in a song – in a sermon – in a Bible verse, but I have never found my secret place with Him. I’m learning what that means though. It means that He is the first place to turn. He alone can restore. He alone has answers. He knows my emotions and feelings already. He knows exactly how to comfort. He holds the future and the world in His hand. 
   I’m learning what it means to get lost in a moment with Christ. I cherish those times when I am by myself and I have on Rend Collective Experiment Radio in the background and I am just pouring my heart out to the Lord. I don’t have to put on a front. I don’t have to act like I have it all together. I can be completely myself with Christ, and I can find peace in the fact that He is holding me in his arms, even when it doesn’t feel like it. I can find comfort in the fact that when I feel like I’m drowning and my eyes are barely above the waves, my King walks on water, and He’s reaching his hand out to me. 
    I’m learning to open my heart up to God and let down all my walls. I can share my fears, my struggles, my triumphs, and my insecurities and Christ replys with these three words, “I AM ENOUGH.” Whatever you’re going through, I am enough. When you’re scared that you’re falling behind your teammates and that you’ll never be able to make up the ground, “I AM ENOUGH.” When all you want is to walk outside and not be scared of slipping cause you could injur yourself again, “I AM ENOUGH.” When you don’t know how to comfort your friend and you feel helpless – like you fail again and again, “I AM ENOUGH.” When you are scared to open up to a new relationship, and all you see is the unknown, or you’re scared to let someone in, because what if it doesn’t work out, “I AM ENOUGH.” When you feel like your life is spiraling out of control and you can’t balance everyone and everything, “I AM ENOUGH.” 
   “I AM ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH.” Rest in me. Rest in the secret place. In me there is no fear. In me there is victory. In me there is peace. In me everything makes sense. 
    And so I’m grateful for the challenges. I’m grateful for the trials. I’m grateful for tearing my ACL. I’m grateful for the opportunity to comfort my friends. I’m grateful for the late nights, long talks, tears and confusion. I’m grateful for the helplessness. Because through these things, I’m maturing. I’m growing up. I’m learning what it is to find my security, my peace, my comfort in Christ. I’m learning what it means to rest in the secret place. I’m learning what it means to love. I’m learning what it means to rely completely on Christ. 
   I don’t have it all together – in fact I have nothing together. But I’m grateful, because I’m learning to rest in Christ.

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